thoughts of a purple butterfly

"unless a butterfly struggles to break free, it will never fly..."

Saturday, July 24, 2004

surprise party for arvin

it's going to be arvin's birthday on wednesday.  i'm hoping that we'll be able to surprise him.  hehehe.  well, it would all depend on my stepdad.  if he would be willing to bring me to l.a. then that would be fabulous.  arvin and his cousins are having a practice and arvin has no idea that i've told his cousins to come up with something for him.  if i'll make it there then i would bring a cake, some balloons and a banner.  otherwise, i would just ask my brother to get me that polo arvin saw at gilroy which he really liked but he didn't buy because "he didn't have money" (in fact he has, he even got patrick a polo shirt from tommy hilfiger.  did that sound like someone who doesn't have money???  hahaha)  well, this is my only chance to come up with a "surpise" for him.  for the last four months, he has always made my day with his little, sometimes big surprises. (well, last thursday, while we were doing the laundry, he surprised me with purple roses while i was folding the comforter.  sweet...  sweet...  sweet...)  and we might go to las vegas with my mom and patrick before school starts.  oh yeah!  going to las vegas was all my mom's idea... 

Friday, July 23, 2004

Long Overdue Pictures

This picture was taken in Reno, where we first met.

At Huntington Beach just recently.

At San Pedro trying to feed the pigeons.

We were at Huntington Beach.

Sarap naman ng tulog nitong dalawa...

Sweet kisses from Tito Arvin

Beautiful pictures taken by Arvin at Laguna Beach.

This was while watching the sunset and the dolphins.

Guess who took this picture...

Well, Arvin took these pictures.  hehehe.

Don't we look almost like a couple???


Thursday, July 22, 2004

please, please, please

since i had to start from scratch, i lost all your urls.  how sad...  so if it's not too much to ask, please email them to me at or leave it on my tagboard so that i could get in touch with everyone again.  russ...  i'll be needing your help again.  hehehe.  thank you!!!

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Hmm... What Happened???

Well, I haven't been visiting my own blog for sometime and I was surprised to see that some parts of it are gone.  I don't know what happened.  I don't remember editing anything from my template so I don't get it...  They are punishing me for not taking care of my blog.  hehehe.  Well, I'll try to fix it when I get the chance.  When?  Can't really tell.  I'll be quite busy for the remaining days of these month:  Arvin's Birthday, My Cousin's Surprise Birthday Party, Driving School and next month will be worse:  My cousin's Wedding, My last weekend before school starts and school (no need to explain why that will keep me busy.  hehehe)

Everything's doing great so far.  My "no title" relationship with Arvin is getting better everyday, Patrick is growing really fast and I...  I am keeping myself busy, enjoying each day and looking forward to what life has to offer me tomorrow...  That will be all for now.

In case anyone knows what happened to my blog, kindly leave a message and explain to me what happened.  hahaha. 

Friday, July 16, 2004

Off to Gilroy

i haven't seen my dad for more than a year.  i wasn't even able to say goodbye when i left.  long story kasi.  biglaan iyong decision na dito na ako tumira e.  i just left a letter to tell my dad na pumunta na ako sa states and that i was pregnant.  i could just imagine how hurted my dad was when he got that letter.  but then i had to do what i had to do.  we're in good terms now.  like they always say, pag nakita na ang apo, nawawala na ang galit nila.  hehehe.  lalo na when he found out na boy.
well, he's here to visit us pero nasa gilroy siya which is 5 hours away from where i live.  arvin was kind enough to offer to drive us there.  so, i'll be leaving for gilroy tonight.  i'll be back by sunday morning.
what to expect???  i don't know.  siguro maiiyak ako and matutuwa at the same time pero baka hindi nalang ako magpakita ng emotions ko.  baka mapagtawanan lang ako ng mga kuya ko.  hehehe.  but seriously, sobrang namiss ko ang dad ko.  this is the first time na super tagal akong napahiwalay sa kanya.  it's not like i'm a daddy's girl but i just grew up na he's there. kahit hindi kami super close, pag umuuwi ako ng bahay, alam ko na nandyan siya.  and when may chance, naglalambing ako sa kanya and i would put my head on his chest o kaya sleep on his lap.  paano na kaya ngayon?
well, that's all.  bago pa ako maiyak...  have a great weekend!!!

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

For Patrick's First Birthday

I know it's a bit too early but we're already starting to so some planning for Patrick's First Birthday. We already have a hotel reserved for the party which will be on December 11, 2004. I'm making a guestlist and jotting down details that I wouldn't want to forget. I might sing a song or two which I'm still thinking about because if I do decide to sing, I wouldn't want it to be just any song. I want it to be a song that would express how I feel for my son. Anyway, I'm in those "na-senti ang mommy" moods and I was able to write this letter which I intend to read to him on our birthday...

Dear Patrick,

When I found out that I was going to have you, I had mixed emotions. I was really excited yet scared at the same time. Excited because I’ve been dreaming of having you since I was a little girl. Scared because I wasn’t quite sure what kind of a mother I would turn out to be.

I can still remember how ecstatic I was when I first heard your heartbeat, when I first saw your image in the ultrasound and the technician told me that you’re a girl, (hahaha) and when you moved a lot while still inside my tummy, keeping me up almost every night. I couldn’t wait to see you that I would dream of you then in my mind I would to tell you that “I Love You So Much”

I still can’t help but be amazed by the fact that we have the same birthday. What could be a greater gift than that? And when I first heard your cry, it was music to my ears. I wanted so badly to hold you tight but I was afraid that I might hurt you. So, while everyone is asleep and I had you all for myself, I would stare at you almost teary-eyed because you’re so beautiful. I even asked myself, “How could someone not fall in love with this angel?”

With each month that passes, I am astonished by how eager you are to grow up when I want you to stay a baby forever. But then I know I shouldn’t stop you from trying what you can do and seeing what the world has to offer you. I want you to know, Baby that life is beautiful. I’m not promising you that things will be easy all the time. It could be tough sporadically but keep in mind that Mommy will always be by your side. I’ll never, ever leave you.

I’m sorry if there are times when I’m a bit selfish, thinking of myself before you. But believe me, everything that I do, I do it for you. You are always in my thoughts and your future is more important to me than anything. I would give up anything just to give you a good life for you deserve it. I wouldn’t want you to settle for anything less than that. That I promise you.

You’ve changed me in so many ways. You’ve been a source of strength during times when I feel like giving up. You brighten my days, giving me enough reason to get up each morning. Your smile melts my heart every time and when you touch my face, it just feels like heaven. There are moments when I still find myself crying because I don’t know what I did to deserve you but thank you so much for coming into my life, Baby.

For your first birthday, I wish that God would bless you with good health, happiness and lots of love. Happy, happy Birthday, Baby. I love you so much.


Thursday, July 01, 2004

i'm here

i haven't been posting as often as i used to. i wouldn't want to give up blogging but for now, i don't think i have anything worth posting for awhile.

no interesting stories to share... no kilig stories to make my day... no deep thoughts to ponder on...

blogging has helped me a lot. it was a way for me to express myself and actually feel as if someone is listening. i didn't feel like i was alone anymore. i also got to kepp in touch with friends and luckily gained more. though i'm not the ideal friend, i want you to know that i'm still here. if you need anything, just let me know. leave me a message in m tagboard or email me at i may be out of the scene for awhile but like i said, i'm still here.

don't worry about me because i'm fine. and i know everyone is wondering whatever happened to arvin. he's still here. he never left. it's just that the fairytale is over. time to wake up because you can never run away from reality forever. i have things, important things to think about like my studies, my future and of course the life i want to give my son. arvin on the other hand has his own life to think about. we need to refocus.

well, if fate will be kind then maybe someday, you'll be reading something like "after all, we're now living happily together". hehe. but if it just wasn't meant to be then i'll always have this blog to back to and remember the days... the good days.

promise, you'll hear from me again. and i'll have more stories to tell. new stories: some may be happy, some sad, some good and even bad but isn't that what makes life beautiful?!